Saturday, July 30, 2005

Day 33: South BBBeeeeaaaaccchhhh BBBeeeeooottch!!

Hey guys. Not as much blogging time as I thought I would have. In fact I have been attempting to get back in here to load my food into Fitday but even that has been a challenge. Part is the slow connection through the hotel. The other half is just a lack of time.

They have compressed the meeting this time so there's way more scheduled time than normal. Any way, things are going well. I have over indulged a little, to be honest, but on things like bread and sushi. I keep rationalizing that at least it's not burgers or pizza.

Was out strolling around South Beach last night, looking good in my suit. It's odd to go out and not be embarrassed by how I look. I know most of it is mental because I don't look a whole lot different than I did two months ago. It just felt good. I looked like a freaking mobster, dark suit with a black T-shirt. Also spent a little time in the Mango Club which is one of the top bars here. But I wound up getting my mile walk in... in a suit, slightly buzzed and sweating pretty good.

One nice thought is that it will be six months until I see most of these people again. How different will I look then? It has me excited. I will be half way to my initial goal and the change should be prety noticable.

Sweeeeeeet. That thought should keep a few rolls out of my mouth.

Talk to ya all when I can.
e

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Day 31: Miami Viceless

Hey all. Greetings from the Lowes hotel in beautiful Miami Beach. A bottle of Perrier and a blog ahead of me. Great place to eat if you ever come down here, a little place called Joe Allen. The have great meatloaf which I had a few bites of but they have some great salads. I went for the smoked trout with chick peas, red peppers and mixed greens. My only complaint was the lemon dressing which was a little strong. Good salad.

It's amazing the food they put in front of you when you're travelling. I used to grab some breakfast at McDonald's. Today, because I didn't want to start the week off bad I went for a veggie burrito. Literally veggies on a veggie tortilla and nothing else. So apart from a few indulgent bits of my buddy Greg's meatloaf and a drink in a few minutes, I'm off to a good start.

Talk to you tomorrow.
e

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Day 30: Leaving On A Jet Plane

All my bags are packed , I'm ready to go - I'm... okay, well, I'm blogging so that's where my similarities with John Denver's opus ends. I am also burning my Richard Simmons onto DVD so I can take it with me to Miami. I have my new shoes, a mix on the mp3 player just for walking in Miami and my Richard DVD... I am set.

I am hoping that taking this trip at this juncture will shake me out of my current rut. I am still maintaining with the eating, but I have noticed the edges blurring a little, if that makes sense. A month in and some of the excitement is gone. It's not that I'm giving up, just accepting some things as... acceptable. I'm going to take the next 6 days to shake that off. I won't have access to my kitchen and I can actively avoid bad culinary choices.

Literally, between all the sessions there is food as well as 3 squares a day (usually paid for). Luckily 75% of the people who work in my division are women, so healthier snacks and choices are available. I don't mean to make that sound stereotypical but let's face it. If this was mostly men there would be stainless steel vats of hot wings.

So I will blog when I can. Think about me this week as I face head on the alcohol and pastry trappings of a corporate sales meeting.

And thank God for Richard Simmons. Seriously. Just a good man. And John Denver for that matter. Another good man.

Wow... I think this installment seems to ooze comfort with my softer side. Maybe I'll take in a drag show in South Beach...

We are family...

Monday, July 25, 2005

Day 29: These Shoes Were Made for Walkin'...you can tell

Hey ho all.

It's funny. I keep thinking I'm cheating, but Fit Day tells me different. It's strange what I think is a treat now. Fat Free cottage cheese or a taste of peanut butter used to be a joke. A treat used to be a large peanut butter/chocolate malt with white chacolate shavings in it from Cold Stone. No longer. I get so excited over hummus it should be a crime. Maybe I'm forcing it, but I need to.

I have fallen in love with that Chopped salad I had the other night. I got so hungry for it at lunch today, I had another one. The actual ingredients don't seem to add up to a whole lot. Truth be told, I had the same thing from a another place for dinner tonight. I'm crazy with the chopped salad. I need to watch the salads I get from places. I haven't seen Super Size Me, but I have heard.

I bought shoes. This is a big deal. I bought actual walking shoes today, in prep for Miami. This time Wed I will be there and I want to do some walking, but not in the slip on loafers that I am always wearing. These have something they call ... "arch support" and are contoured for walking... it's amazing.

I'm still hoping to do the walk over to the park tomorrow for the concert with Danny, but I will also need to pack. We'll see what happens. I really think he'll like it.

Any way, see you tomorrow. Holy shit... one month. Sweet. One down and 11 to go until this phase is over.

:)e

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Day 28: Backyards, Bagels and Bandshells

Sorry about yesterday. I know some people have been checking in everyday for their daily motivation or what not. Yesterday was a little crazy. Yard work, family, and Playstation 2's God of War... sorry. I also has a terrible case of indigestions yesterday. It lasted all night and I had trouble sleeping on it. It think it was the bits I had of Danny's ice cream. I had been good all day, though I think the Portillo's salad I had when everybody went out to eat, probably had too much shit in it. It's all fresh made in front of you but there was pasta in it and house dressing and stuff. No matter what it's better than the Italian beef/sausage combo with cheese,hot dog and fries I used to get there. And it was GREAT! It's one of the tastiest salads I've ever had. Which tipped me off that it probably wasn't too good for me. Later when I access the ingredients online and loaded it into Fitday, it wasn't bad, but it a "prepare for" meal. One that you skip some other stuff during the day to eat.

Now, about that ice cream... I have finally discovered why my mother never made herself a plate of food. If you actually order something, you will eat it all. I have been discovering that if I take some bites here and there off of Danny's treats, I can enjoy the taste and not be compelled to eat a whole one. Again with the moderation. The problem is training myself to keep it to one or two bites. Usually Danny getting mad at me (as I did long ago with my Mother) keeps me honest.

Today is a guys day. Lots of sitting around playing video games with the D-Man. We will be going for our walk later, but it's 105 outside. We did go to Chesapeake Bagels for lunch. Danny wolfed down a PB&J Bagel and I had something called a Hummus Deluxe which they claimed had 525 calories. It was good. I loaded the individual ingredients in and it came to about 499 so, who's arguing.

Just a few more days until Miami. Tomorrow night Danny and I are going grocery shopping so that the fam has food while I'm gone. HAHAHHAHA and then Tuesday night he and I are going to walk over to the Park bandshell (barring rain) for the Tuesday night concert (classical) Then he and I will walk home in the dark. It'll be an adventure. And almost 3 miles worth of walking.

For all of you who are doing this with me. Thanks and keep up the good work!

Friday, July 22, 2005

Day 26: I Have Seen and I Believe

Picture #4 tonight. It's there. Plain as day in front of my face. Photographic evidence that what I am doing is working. The front butt is collapsing upward. Perhaps someday you lucky people might see these pictures... but not now. Not everything is for sharing.

Indulged a little tonight with Danny. He and I were hanging out, the two guys, playing video games. He's been walking with me and getting up to Simmonds with me, I thought that tonight I wouldn't force him to hear about how many calories I'm eating. He's only 4 for godsake. Lots of activity planned for tomorrow, especially after tonight's picture... I want to kick it up a notch.

Week 5 is coming soon... and Miami... travel is hell on a diet.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Day 25: Night

Better late than never I suppose.

Real busy of late with work, life and Gag. I have reached a breaking point with salads. I'm sick of them. Because I can't eat tomatoes or cucumbers, it's lettuce, spinach and maybe a bell pepper. I need to mix it up a bit... somehow... without resorting to 10 million calorie salad dressings.

Had pizza last night. Ordered one for the family... (which is good because we used to be a 2 pizza house) and I had 2 small pieces. Not bad. I didn't crack 1200 cals yesterday. Hmmmm this moderation thing could prove to be interesting.

More tomorrow. Nighty night!
e

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Day 24: Bad Blogmaster! Bad Blogmaster!

Sorry. Yesterday was unusually busy. I did however, shake off the weekend. Yesterday was very successful in fact. Exercised, walked and kept the calories WAY down.

I also came face to face with 2 of my biggest temptations and walked away. The first and the biggest: There is a store here a couple of blocks from work that specializes in import foods of all kinds Asian, Polish, German. I run in there every once in a while to get a can of tuna and they carry that Atkins yogurt. Well, they have a new British foods section. My favorite candy in the whole world is Jelly Babies, which are not available here and I can only get them on rare occasions or when Millie's family goes to Ireland. They had them. A whole freakin' shelf full. I walked away. I couldn't believe I did it, but I walked away. I am able to have these once a year AT MOST and I walked on by. I was proud and a little astonished.

Later that same day I trapsed into Walgreens to pick up a perscription. Lo and belhold I come face to face with another fairly rare treat - toasted coconut marshmallows. Bags of them. Not as rare, but you usually have to hunt around. JESUS! I walked away. I was strong. I bit my lip, but I stayed strong.

Tried and tested. The oily film of the weekend has passed.

Didn't get a chance to exercise this morning. I was up late finishing the poster for the new Gag Reflex show: DESPERATE HOUSEFLIES (or: What's Larva Got To Do With It). I couldn't drag myself out today. That's okay. I'll do it tomorrow and try to get a little more walking in today.

The weight loss is starting to show. At least I'm feeling it more. The steerin wheel isn't rubbing the front butt much. Plus Millie's sister and mom noticed last week.

Gag Reflex pictures tonight. Can I drop another 35 lbs by tonight? Yes! Where's that letter opener? :)

Lata, e

(ps. Thanks Vi.)

Monday, July 18, 2005

Day 22: Walk It Off

A new day.

Got up this morning and I am happy to report that I did the entire Richard Simmonds tape. It was an emotional moment of course. I am on track for today. Nothing else much to report.

I am just trying to shake off the feeling of the weekend. It's not easy. There were some kind words from Millie and Danny that made me feel better. I'm trying to not beat myself up, but it's hard. If I don't beat myself up, I'll think it's okay to freak and binge. And it's not. It's just not.

Danny and I are planning to walk tonight. No dinner plans yet, but I'm sure we will eat. :)

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Day 21: S.O.S.

The third week ends. Man. The last 24 hours have been a backward slide that I can't account for. No motivation. The food choices have gone from good to terrible. I've got to shake this off. Really. Yesterday I made good food choices, went to Ruby Tuesday's and did the salad bar only. Then it's like I flipped out and started munching. Today started the same way. I won't even tell you what I've put in my mouth today. Just bad news and we'll leave it at that. It was all found food from around the house. I didn't go get anything from a fast food place. That, at least, is positive.

I just have to pull out of this nose dive. I HAVE to exercise tomorrow morning. I can't sleep through it. I have to do it. I have to walk. And apparently I need to staple my freaking lips shut because my eyes and hands are working over time trying to find shitty things to eat.

I know I can do this. I just need to.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Day 20: Live Nude Burritos

Stepped on our scale today. The needle lapped the circle once but, after eating dinner, fully clothed and shoes on, I clocked in at about 340 which means, if I started at 350, I've lost about 10lbs in 3 weeks. The changes continue. I'm working really hard to stay motivated. I'm starting to miss foods and I'm starting to convince myself that it's okay to treat myself once in a while.

There's truth in that, but when does that stop. That has always been my problem. Even back in 92 when I was going to Jenny Craig, I started to treat myself to Taco Bell after my weekly meeting. Eventually those "treats" became more frequent. "I was good the first half of the week, I can order pizza." or "I was good all day, how about a couple of burgers for dinner.", "I had a healthy breakfast, burgers for lunch and then something greasy for dinner."

It sounds like I'm exaggerating. Maybe I am a little, but not much. In a lot of ways this is like an addiction. I won't belittle real, life threatening addictions, but in some ways it has to be handled the same way. What it boils down to is this, it is too soon in the game for me to really treat myself. Any lapse in the plan or poor judgement as to what I put in my mouth is that. There is no positive spin. I'm even telling myself that if I don't crack every once in a while I will freak out and eat something REALLY horrible.

The treat will come though, mark my words. When I have lost 45 or 50 pounds... oh yeah. When I finally dip back into the 200s. When I am far enough away from my starting point that falling off the wagon won't put half the weight back on... oh I will treat myself, and I will deserve it then. I'm not going to treat myslef because I am forcing myself to eat celery. Dropping back below 300 is worth a one day treat. I just know that I will lock up and not be able to decide what crappy food I will have. HAHAHAHAHA

Danny and I walked 2 miles or so today. I out walked my 4 year old. "Dad, I'm tired." I felt bad but HELL YA!!! I had more energy than my 4 year old. That felt pretty good. Then we went to the moives and saw Star Wars. I sat there as he barrelled through a bag of popcorn, half a box of milk duds and a soda. I did have a few duds, I admit it.

Oh, and by the way. For fast food choices... if you have a Qdoba near you. They have naked burritos - no tortilla (which I'm finding are killers. All those "Wrap" people can chew on a pound of my ass fat.) The grilled veggie naked burrito with black beans, Pico de Gallo (or however you spell that) and a little salsa verde - mmmmm. Steer clear of the cheese, sour cream and guacamole (my weakness). Good and not a ton in the calorie department.

See you tomorrow for the start of week 4.

TODAY'S VISUALIZATION: My extra tummy skin pulled back, rubber banded and sticking out of my pants like a tail.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Day 19: MO-TI-VATE!!


So yesterday was scooting along fine. We ate late with Millie's family, which may be what screwed me up. But I had a bit of a munchy freak out before bed last night. I am shamed. And then this morning I slept through my workout time. Yep, I was feeling REAL good about myself this morning...

And then I pulled my belt one hole tighter without even trying. That makes two belt holes comfortably in 3 weeks. Holy crap! It's working! I'm really doing it. I know that this sort of pace and drastic changes won't happen for ever, it will level off. But it's great to be seeing result. The momentary blip last night is in the past... that little leather hole brought my spirits back up.

Big smiles heading into the weekend.

e

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Day 18: Celery and Shrinkage

"The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me."
-George Bernard Shaw


I really don't like celery. As a kid I licked off the filling and threw away the celery. Now, here I sit, munching away and pulling strings out of my teeth. Danny and I got up again this morning with Richard. It's a strange little tradition. Good couple of days too. I am noticing more and more that parts of me are shrinking... don't giggle. Tomorrow we take the next picture. I will be interested to see how things have progressed.

Another night out as a guest of my in-laws tonight. Luckily it's Chinese, so I already know what I can eat.

Have a great day.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Day 17: Richard Injection

Bet you guys thought I wasn't going to blog today. WRONG! Here I am. Jumped a hurdle last night. The family went to the Chinese buffet for dinner and I managed to not fall off the wagon. It was the first meal out since I started. I passed!! A little of this and a little of this with an ample helping of fresh veggies and fruit did the trick. I was worried until I plugged the info into FitDay.com and I realized that it was okay.

Exercise on the other hand has slipped. I didn't get a chance to walk last night (and probably not tonight) and I overslept this morning and couldn't get my Richard injection. (Sorry that just makes me laugh).

So I'm doing well. Things are becoming routines. I am bracing myself for a huge change in pattern. In two weeks I have to go to Miami for my national sales meeting. Lots of dinners and booze and in between session food. I think I can handle the food, but the booze is another story. The evenings out always include ample amounts of it and I'm one to enjoy indulging on such occasions. I just need to figure out where and when to draw the line. Mostly because I want to be social and have a good time.

We'll see.

Talk to you tomorrow. :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Day 16: Dolphins!

You people with your exercise... you weren't lying. I had energy yesterday. A kind of sick, frenetic energy, which is of course wasted in a cubicle and computer environment. My buddy Jeff said that exercise releases dolphins into the blood stream which makes you feel good, etc. It cracks me up because it sounds like something my 4 year old would say.

Speaking of my 4 year old, he's my little coach. I was going to let him sleep this morning while I danced with Richard Simmonds. But he got up on his own, came in and again, ate doughnuts while I sweated. He kept telling me what a good job I was doing. Toward the end, when Richard gets all emotional, and Danny was exercising with me, and that soggy "cool down" music played and I was sweating and panting... I got a little weepy. Danny doing all of this with me is making this so easy. We are spending some quality time together and he is a great motivator. Father and son swaying to Richard Simmonds at 6:45 AM... now that's America.

I happily made it through more of the tape this morning too. Which is good. Tonight, my goal is to not eat after dinner. Last night the late night munching crave was awful and I gave in a little. I still didn't hit 1500, but man it was tough. And I know, I keep carrots and celery on hand... but when 10:30 hits, those are the last things I want.

That's my goal for tonight, stay strong.

Time to talk to the Dolphins.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Day 15: Coordination Ain't The Way

I did it. Got up early, moved the coffee table, popped in the tape and ... dear sweet God I felt like lumbering oaf with two left feet. Richard Simmonds is a bright, sparkly, gay choreographer and I am the sow's ear, friends. I've decided that I am not coordinated enough to be gay.

That being said, I did it, well, 2/3 of it, as best I could. It will get easier to follow and complete. I'm not giving up, I'm just closing the curtains. HAHAHAHA

It did feel good to get up early and do it. I usually don't get out of bed until the last possible moment, so this was an accomplishment. The funniest part was when Danny crapped out and spent the last 10 minutes eating a doughnut saying "Daddy, you're really good at exercising," Entemann's falling out of his mouth. It just feels like I accomplished something today and it's still morning.

So the plan is to now kick everything up a notch by working out MOST mornings and then a walk in the evening. I want to build slowly toward that 7 hour daily work out that makes Hollywood guys look like that. Sorry, I could barely get through typing that without laughing.

Some people have been impressed with how low I have kept my calorie intake. It's nice to hear when they are impressed. And the best part is, I'm not starving myself. That's good for everybody because a hungry man is a surly, unpleasant man.

Have a great day.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Day 14: Two Weeks ... whoops!

Weeeeelllll.... I went skating past my usual 12 to 1300 calories a day yesterday. The culprit was refried beans. I knew going into it that it would be high. I got a junior burrito from a local Mexican place. No cheese, no avacado, no meat. Just lettuce, tomato, beans and rice. Next time I just need to plan the rest of my day better. Still, not bad... with a few sneaky sugar wafers I maxed out at 1700 or so for the day.

Danny and I went on the longest walk yet last night. At least it felt that way. We are generally alternating the routes so we don't always go the same way. Which is good, keeps us from getting bored. But About half way through this walk I started regretting the route we took because there was no short cut back. Which was good for me, just a lot of pain and sweating.

So, 2 weeks in? How do I feel? I feel good. The second week went by much faster. After my little dip earlier this week, I remain motivated. Especially after the picture the other night. Danny and I will be going to the grocery store in a little while for a big stock up on stuff. Time to plan some really good dinners and have some lunches ready to go.

And thanks to everybody who has been looking in and giving me encouragement. It really does mean the world to me. The victories feel bigger, the failures are more embarrassing and I generally feel the love . Okay... I'm going to vomit, so I'm going to stop gushing now.

:)

UPDATE: Just a quick update. Did some earnest diet shopping (I have to stop my fear of the word diet.) - Lots of veggies and fruit. Mangos, Plums, grapes, Celery, carrots, more spinach, bananas, etc. Also snagged some whole wheat noodles, hummus (cracked chile and red pepper), got some Fat Free, low carb cheese singles (American Heart Association approved), salmon, low fat cottage cheese, carb smart yogurt, more tuna ... lots of stuff and plenty of regular stuff for Millie and Danny.

I feel like I've been armed.

BTW, Danny and I will be getting up early tomorrow to work out to one of the Richard Simmons "Sweating to the 80's" or some such thing that we have around here. We might still have a copy of Tae Bo around here. That... may be for later.

Wish us luck.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Day 13: Lucky?

A nice, relaxing Saturday. The house is quiet because Millie and Danny are both sleeping, and I'm typing away in the den.

Did a good long walk last night, pretty sore after a couple days without. Another one today I imagine. I also spent about half an hour last night making 4 tupperware containers with ready to go salads; spinach, iceberg lettuce, carrots, green and red bell peppers and a half a hard boiled egg. The one I had for lunch today I added a can of plain tuna to. Hard to get excited about salads, but it was good.

Still buzzing from the picture last night. It made me sleep better last night.

Any way, not much else. Mood high. Ever forward.

See you tomorrow.

Friday, July 08, 2005

A Quick Interlude

I just wanted to drop in here and let you know that Millie took my second set of pictures tonight. It's only been a week, but there was a noticable physical difference. YAY me! I don't know what it comes out as in poundage, but you could see it. She could see it too. And yep, I cried. Couldn't help it. Just seeing visibly that it is working was a huge relief. 51 more moments like that and I'll be doing great. :)

Thanks as always.

Day 12: MP3 Panic!

Another evening without a walk. I'm such a slacker. Actually there was no time. I did get out and do a little grocery shopping. I wouldn't suggest subsisting on them, because they are packed with sodium (seriously), but those little Buddig lunch meats aren't bad. A whole package has a decent amount of protein, next to no carbs and is only about 90 calories for beef and 120 calories for poultry.(half fat ). And people who aren't dieting can eat them too. And they are fairly cheap. So it's actually pretty good for the dieter with a family. I could, of course, be deluding myself about them, but they seem to be on the up and up... if used in moderation.

So Danny and I have planned our walk for tonight. it will probably be a long one too. It's really nice that he likes going on these with me. I had one small hiccup in my routine today when all of the music disappeared from my MP3 player. After a panic I did a disk clean up and it was all still there. I'm unable to walk without my music. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Got this blog in just under the wire. Crazy day...

I hope you all have a great weekend. For those of you who look at the web out of the work setting... talk to you tomorrow!

e

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Day 11: Short Change

Yesterday was the first day in a while that I haven't been able to go for a walk. Unfortunately there were things that needed to be taken care of and time got away from me. Also, my culinary choices (due to the time crunch) were also not spectacular. However, there will be days like this and that can't be avoided. I still didn't go over 1500 calories... in fact I don't think I went over 1300. I'll have to check. It's just that nutritionally they weren't great.

The good news is that I drove the route I have been walking and I have been short changing myself on the distance. It appears that Danny and I did over a mile and half the other day when I thought we did a mile. What I thought was a quarter mile was actually more like half a mile. I'm no good with distance.

So tonight, there will be a walk, albeit a short one. I have a meeting with the director of my comedy group's TV show, so the walk will have to be before that. Maybe I'll cut out early today so I can get everything in.

The other day Millie did take the first of the periodical shirtless pictures that I can use to judge how I'm doing. I won't be posting them, at least for a long time. This method really worked when I did it in 2000. The changes were drastic over the course of 5 months. I want to get back to that. A new picture the 2nd of every month.

A little grocery shopping tonight. Veggies and fruit. Dinner stuff. Just a stop gap trip.

See ya all tomorrow :)
e

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Day 10: Double Digits Baby!

Back at work today. Last night I did the longest walk so far. I think I did a mile, but I'm not certain - so I split the difference at 3/4ths of a mile. I had to pass the way home half way through the walk and my calves begged me to go home. But I forged ahead, Danny running point on his bike. He and I are really making a habit out of this. He really likes it, which makes me happy. I just have to stay in a good mood on the the tiny treks.

I was surprised to find that Chinese Hot and Sour soup is on the FitDay site. And it actually added alcohol to my daily intake yesterday. I was looking at the list of ingredients and I think it might be off because I don't think there was any Pork in it. Tofu yes, pork no. Needless to say we got Chinese food last night. Rather than my usual order I got rice and a quart of hot and sour soup (which I will be finishing today). Lots of veggies and protein in it, I come to find. And I have sodium leaking out my ears. Cripes.

In a good mood today. I am reinvigorated. New parts of me are collapsing inward. That's always good. Lots of friends showing support to my blog. Things going well. Looks like I got through this bad patch. I'm sure it's not my only one.

Thinking about getting back to meditation. Used to do it years ago. Loaded some meditation music into my MP3 player. Carlos Nakai Native American flute, Paul Horn - Inside the Taj Mahal... my old, baja wearing, lava lamp and incense stomping ground. One of my eating triggers is frustration. Time to work the relaxation tip again. And Dan, if you're reading this, I will be ripping "Song of the Humpback Whale" - perhaps mixing it with The Jerky Boys... the best, most creative sleep ever!!

Lata, e

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Day 9: Don't Touch Your Eye!!

Not a good day for this. Mentally I am at a pretty low point. Just a life thing. Lots of pressure from lots of places. A good time to eat, I suppose. Luckily we are a few days away from the next trip to the grocery store so there's not much to eat. I take that back, there's plenty to eat, just nothing that I can eat. I've managed to work my way through all the stuff I had gathered that was decent. The family is okay, it's just me. Heh... I suppose I'll suffer through.

To be honest, there's not much to report. I think today is just a lay low and not deal with people day. Unfortunately my son came home from preschool with Pink Eye. Always fun. And it's a mood elevator. No more whining. Talk to you tomorrow.

EDIT: Okay. My angel Vi gave me some very good advice. You can read it in the comments, but she is right. I could depress myself into a junkfood binge - but it's still my decision. I'm not going to do it. I've stopped pissing and moaning. It was ridiculous anyway because I could steam some frozen vegetables which are sitting at the bottom of my freezer, and that is probably what I will do. Unfortunately the downward spiral had started as I was getting my son some lunch and I munched on a couple of light hot dogs - no buns or crap, just 2 hot dogs. About 200 calories total. No excuse, just a stupid choice.

I did walk yesterday, incidentally. My routine did not change. I still got out and walked. Today I am waiting for the Doctor to call about Danny and then he and I can go out and walk, unless we have to go to the doctor. Yesterday I also made fettucini for the fam. But I mixed my little bit of noodles and ground turkey with the rest of my chopped broccoli. I decided to avoid the sauce because, frankly, I read the label. So I kept the noodle count down, the ground turkey higher and the broccoli outweighing both. It wasn't a whole lot of work to make two fairly different meals - which is good.

So, mood up. I'm figuring if I can get past this lull in energy over then next few days, I'll be in the clear for a while.

Finding more dimple in hidden places. (just got the call from the doctor. No visit, just some eye drops. YAAAY!)

Monday, July 04, 2005

Day 8: The Wall

I have hit my mental wall. I cracked last night and slammed a fist full of fudge covered sugar wafers. This morning I woke up thinking that nothing is making any difference and I will fail. I don't want to walk today, I don't want to blog. I want to sit here doing what I have been doing all morning which is sit here recording old cassettes into my computer and then loading them into my MP3 player. I convinced myself that there was no reason to report the cookies on my FitDay journal. If I hadn't it would have started the lies and deception that lead me right back into that downward spiral to my failure.

I forced myself to add it to yesterday's total. Brought me up to over 1500 cals. Looking at it, it wasn't a huge fall. Not a stuffed crust meatlovers pizza kind of fall. But enough of a fall that I felt it. I am forcing myself to blog even though all I have to report is a small failing. If I don't blog that, there's no point in this blog. It would just be half truth and it would fail after only a week.

I can't let that happen. The real issue is my thyroid. Yesterday at my Mom's house (where she made turkey wraps for dinner - because of this blog :) ) I was telling my sister about how FitDay can track how many calories you've burned compared to what you've eaten that day. She asked about my Thyroid which still hasn't been regulated and if that would affect that burn rate. It was like the bottom fell out. I realized that as good as I think I'm doing, and as well as I should be doing... my body is fighting me. I need to get in for my bloodwork. I am currently on .25 mg of Levoxyl and I don't believe it's working fully yet. I need to go in for a blood test to see if they need to boost it. I'm sure they do. I'm really lazy and forgetful about the blood work.

I need to do it this week. I need to walk today, and I will because Danny wants to. I need to push myself through this wall.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Day 7: And on the seventh day the Lard rested...nope.

Oh my God. Dragging myself out of bed this morning was not easy. I'm worried that I'm going to hit a wall. I am psyching myself up for it. Yesterday was good but not great. I went a couple hundred calories over what I've been doing. I'm not beating myself up because, if you look at my journal, it was still only 1500 or so. I used to do that in a single meal. It's still good. You want to see a disturbing list...

MY STANDARD ORDER AT MANY FAMOUS FAST FOOD PLACES or HOW TO LOOK LIKE ERIC SCHWARTZ WITH ONLY A FEW DIETARY CHANGES
(These did vary from time to time)
McDonald's - 2 double cheese burgers and a McChicken (apple pie optional)
Wendy's - 2 Double Stacks with Cheese, 5 chicken nugget, 1 junior Bacon Cheese
Taco Bell - Chicken Burrito (Grilled Stuffed or Fiesta), 2 chicken Mexi-Melt's (optional chicken or steak taco)
Jimmy John's Subs - Gargantuan Sub (or sometimes a double beef), salami slim , cookie
Subway - 12" BMT (pepperoni, salami, ham) with double meat, cheese, mayo
Burger King - 2 Whoppers (sometimes chicken) w/ cheese, small chicken tenders
Arby's - At least 2 or three regular beef or beef and cheddar , large curly

You know, seeing that written out, my size is no surprise. I actually got weepy. Sorry. Look at that. I had fast food AT LEAST every other day. And the sickening thing is, I still want it. I will not lie, that stuff is so good. I always told myself that I didn't eat enough to be heavy. I actually said that. I said it TO people. You must have thought I was an idiot. I thought, because I didn't eat a lot between meals (which is also a joke) that I didn't eat enough to be heavy. So let's look at the rest of the equation, shall we...

If I ate breakfast it was generally something that was brought in at work, that means doughnuts, danish, bagels etc. OR There is this gas station on the way to work and I might stop and get a pizza puff and a cor dog (that was pretty rare, to be honest). There was also McDonald's . So, on the occasions that I ate breakfast, it was always shit. God help me if I stopped AND somebody brought food to work. Then - lunch - generally you can focus on the Wendy's or Taco Bell orders above. They are a minute from the office. But generally it is some type of large greasy food. On the trip home, if I needed to pick up anything (pop, milk whatever), I usually made sure that I stopped at Casey's general store so that I could add a slice of Pizza and maybe a Reece's to the order. Then dinner... sometimes it's a homecooked meal by either myself or my wife. Lots of pasta and ground beef (we have used turkey a lot the last year or so). But we live in a college town and everything can be delivered. The temptation is strong and we often ordered in hot dogs or burgers, chinese, mexican, subs, and Pizza. Then about 9:30 at night I would get noshy and have a sandwich or a bowl of cereal... or both.

Jesus Christ! That was nearly every day for years. I am reading and rereading this. It's terrible. It's all me. It's not McDonald's fault - I was under no misapprehension about the nutritional value. It's all me. I lied to myself. Rationalized to myself. I put in terms of money (this stuff is a great value! 99cents! I'm full and it's cheap - notice Taco Bell's campaign over the last year).

This was not easy to write. I am a hider. I try to be secretive about what I eat. I don't like people asking and I generally try to do it alone, if I can. This was not easy. But now that I see it... I know I can do this. I can see the changes that need to be made. I really, truly can do this. Half of it is not doing those things any more.

I am sufficiently psyched up for my walk. Thanks for reading my breakdown/through/whatever.

Talk to you tomorrow.
e

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Day 6: Weekend at Burnies

Welcome to my first weekend. And, of course, it's a double length holiday weekend. The saving grace is that, because of Millie's work schedule, we won't be going to any big 4th bashes. I may be cooking out today, but I can control that. If I don't want to be faced with a huge half pound ground sirloin burger, I won't be.

The real battle is time at home with complete access to the kitchen, something that work helps me avoid. I plan to do a lot of writing. I am also working exercise into the plan. Last night Danny went with me on my walk which was a little longer than the day before. He rode his new bike while I walked behind him listening to Millie's walking mix and an installment of "EarthCore", which is the world's first podcast only novel. I don't know if walking to a podcast is do-able. I mean, I did it. It's just easier to push yourself a little further with Prince's "Cream" playing.

Anyway, yesterday was a success. I tried something new, in fact. I did up one of those microwave potatoes, which was great. But I didn't want to dump anything on it because, to me, it defeats the purpose if you dump a ton of fat on it. So I used mustard. Not a ton, just enough to flavor and color it. That's a big step because I am not a mustard fan. I am liking it more because it has nothing it it. I also steamed some broccoli with some lemon-pepper on it. All in all yesterday was a success. I had to push myself up to 1300 calories and, if you look at my FitDay journal, I balanced everything pretty well.

I have noticed a weird "pain" in my abdomen. It doesn't hurt. But it feels like a burn. Like a streak of slightly stabbing heat. It was almost like when I get a stitch in my side. I have also noticed that my digestive system is getting noisier... and not the way Gag fans think I mean. It just feels like things have started working that haven't for a while.

Going to go for a walk with Danny here in a bit, I want to get back in time to watch the opening of the LIVE 8 concert. Thanks to everybody who has been dropping by and giving me words of encouragement. I should have a new picture picture up for future comparison. I'm still deciding if it should be shirtless. HAHAHAHAHA Probably not.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Day 5: Sharkleberry

Vi! Thank you. I have signed up for an account at FitDay and it's awesome. Any of you thinking about doing this, it's a great free tool. You can plug in what you eat everyday, how much exercise you did and it tallies your calories, how much you burned. It takes a lot of the guess work away. Plus you can put in your goal weight (which for me is a realistic 225 - why 225? Because it's attainable. When I get to 225, we'll see where to go from there.) and a deadline (I gave myself 1 year to the day) and it tells you how much you have to do in small increments. 125lbs sounds huge. But 2.4 lbs per week - not easy, but it sounds a lot better. I'm learning that a lot of this processes is self deception. :)

Pluse FitDay can be public. This way, as with my Blog I am accountable. So here is a link to my FitDay information: CLICK HERE

Did my first walk last night. When I say I walked around the block it doesn't sound impressive. But my block is about 1/4 of a mile around and uphill a good chunk of the way. Still not great. But not having done anything for a while, it was enough. The plan is to keep doing that until, when I get back to my house I don't mind going around again. My wife Millie created a walking playlist on my MP3 player and I had no idea what to expect. So here was my list last night:
"Rhythmeen" - ZZ Top
"Man Underwater" - Bad Examples
"Bust a Move" - Young MC
"Thank God I'm a Country Boy" - John Denver
"Tubthumping" - Chumbawumba
I'm sure there were a few more, but I forgot. The John Denver track almost had me peeing myself when it came on.

So, yesterday was successful. I did just over 1200 calories and I burned more than I ate. I am trying to fight the fear of everything right now and concentrate on healthier eating , eating less and more exercise. Without looking at a label I know what's bad for me and what's not. Here are 10 fast rules to keep in mind:

IF YOUR FOOD ___________ , IT'S NOT THAT GOOD FOR YOU.

1. is handed to you through your car window
2. is the same color as a smurf
3. can stay on the shelves longer than you've had your pet
4. bubbles, pops or fizzes inside its packaging
5. can be bought at a gas station
6. has a vague name like "luncheon meat"
7. is advertised during Power Rangers: SPD
8. comes with a toy
9. can have pictures printed on it
10. is flavored with a made up fruit like "Sharkleberry" or "Crunchberry"

See you over the weekend! Have a great holiday weekend.