Day 8: The Wall

I have hit my mental wall. I cracked last night and slammed a fist full of fudge covered sugar wafers. This morning I woke up thinking that nothing is making any difference and I will fail. I don't want to walk today, I don't want to blog. I want to sit here doing what I have been doing all morning which is sit here recording old cassettes into my computer and then loading them into my MP3 player. I convinced myself that there was no reason to report the cookies on my FitDay journal. If I hadn't it would have started the lies and deception that lead me right back into that downward spiral to my failure.

I forced myself to add it to yesterday's total. Brought me up to over 1500 cals. Looking at it, it wasn't a huge fall. Not a stuffed crust meatlovers pizza kind of fall. But enough of a fall that I felt it. I am forcing myself to blog even though all I have to report is a small failing. If I don't blog that, there's no point in this blog. It would just be half truth and it would fail after only a week.

I can't let that happen. The real issue is my thyroid. Yesterday at my Mom's house (where she made turkey wraps for dinner - because of this blog :) ) I was telling my sister about how FitDay can track how many calories you've burned compared to what you've eaten that day. She asked about my Thyroid which still hasn't been regulated and if that would affect that burn rate. It was like the bottom fell out. I realized that as good as I think I'm doing, and as well as I should be doing... my body is fighting me. I need to get in for my bloodwork. I am currently on .25 mg of Levoxyl and I don't believe it's working fully yet. I need to go in for a blood test to see if they need to boost it. I'm sure they do. I'm really lazy and forgetful about the blood work.

I need to do it this week. I need to walk today, and I will because Danny wants to. I need to push myself through this wall.