Day 4: Front-Butt Dimples

Yesterday was pretty successful. I'm fairly sure I kept my calorie intake down to under 1000. Which is pretty good for me. My lunch consisted only of a cup of Tofu Miso soup (with seaweed). Mostly because I knew that rehearsal nights are bad eating nights. I had some left over salmon and I did have a hot dog (here comes the rationalization) which, in total was about 250 calories between it and the bun. Still, a slip in the agenda for the sake of convenience - but still a minor accomplishment because I can normally gobble down 3 or 4 of those yummy little fuckers.

So here's the thing I am struggling with, what do I cut out or limit? I'm not doing Atkins, so it's not all Carbs. I am actually trying to limit everything right now so, of course, I feel I am on some aimless diet with no theme. Do diets need themes? I'm trying to avoid the high end of the carb market, but I'm also cutting WAAAAAAAAY back on red meat. I wish I had the tenacity to go vegan. I just know I can't do it. I just don't believe I have that kind of will. I know it could turn me into an energetic, thermogenic, hydromatic dynamo with a gatlin gun for a colon... but in all practicality, I don't believe I could do it.

Firstly, I have no bio-ethical base. If I was against eating animals, I'm sure that would tip me over the line. But I'm not so it all comes down to health. The real issue is that I simply cannot afford to be an earthloving, organic eating person. I can't. I have a family to feed and I'm not about to force them to eat what I eat. If they want to, great, but I'm not one of these people who converts and then tries to recruit. I hate that shit and I won't do it.

So what it boils down to is this...I have to change what I do and who I am. I have to change portion size and the number of times I eat. Those are the biggest. Second biggest is WHAT I eat. So far I have not had fast food in nearly a week. The last one was Saturday when my son and I went to Jimmy John's and I got a veggie sub. I wonder what the busty girl at the Taco Bell drive through is thinking happened to me. Bottom line is that I need to do a fair amount of label reading, but right now it's about altering my habits. Forcibly changing the way I have done things for... frankly, decades.

Banana for breakfast. 2 hard boiled eggs and a banana for lunch. Dinner uncertain. Maybe a plain potato. We'll see. I'm starting to see a little dimpling in the "front-butt" which is usally the first sign that I look for. I know that I will notice little pockets of me shrinking over the next few weeks. The initial changes are usually fairly obvious.

Lata, e

Day Three - Avoiding Slaughterhouse 5

I did it. I reached yesterday's goal which was to not eat after dinner and not go to bed on a full stomach. I did it. YAAAAAY! Now I have to not do it again tonight. The other challenge last night was dinner. My good friend Dr. K came over and brought some brats to grill and I picked up some hot dogs for Danny too. Just enough of a selection. But I still had my salmon thawing in the fridge. But here was my quandry, it didn't thaw. There was still ice on it. So I almost gave up, because it would take too long. But I got too depressed at the thought of having a hot dog (light or not, it's still 100 cals per dog and the bun is 120 and all carbs.) - So I broke through the "easy/lazy" barrier and argument my mind had thrown up and made the salmon. finished the thaw in the microwave, little lemon pepper, lemon slices, red onion, all wrapped in aluminum foil and tossed on the grill. I nibbled a little on the cheese and crackers that Dr. K had brought and then I had the salmon. No dogs, no sausage and no late night munching. Good evening. Yaaay me.

Tonight will be tricky. Tonight is rehearsal night and generally a night where the fam stops to eat on the way to rehearsal. Usually a burger or dog place. Going to try to avoid tonight. I think we will probably finish up food from last night. For me that means the rest of the salmon and for them the rest of the dogs. We'll see.

So this is interesting. It's an article I found online about medicinal and preventative juice fasts . It sounds like some New Age or "Olden Times" type of process. But some of it makes sense. Something to look into. maybe, once I get past the initial "fuck I'm hungry" thing, I should give it a whirl.

I am noticing that my mood is shifting. I am getting a little surly. To a lesser degree it's what happened when I would quit smoking. Things in my body are starting to change and I'm sure this is part of it. I'm thinking that in a week that may level off. We'll see. I'm still trying to convice Millie that I'm really going to do it. I can't blame her for being skeptical, we've been here before and I let us both down.

She asked if it was harsh to want proof. I told her no. Until changes are noticable this blog and my intentions are empty. Like the wife in Slaughterhouse 5 , a constant, empty promise "I'm gonna lose weight for you."

Day Two - There Has to be a Morning After

Yesterday went well, not great. Last night was tough. We have reached the "eat what you got" stage at our house so the selections were not the best. We nuked up one of those Tyson whole, cooked chickens. But the sides were abysmal - chips, dip and some left over rotini. So I only nibbled because I knew that there was a possibility that I might crack later. And I did, I regret. Some cereal before bed. All in all, not a full success of a day but my calorie in take was way down regardless.

So another day begins. Goal #1 - no eating before bed. Dinner and out. Maybe I should go to bed early to avoid it. It's a little drastic but I can't really describe how bad it gets. I'm not really hungry when it happens, I just want SOMETHING! Tonight, that's the fight.

Accomplishments yesterday - reduced calorie intake, tons of water (holy crap I drank a lot. And as fast as I could drink it, I was dry mouthed again). It's not much, but it's a start.

This morning my wife and I collected all the supplement and diet stuff that has accumulated over the years; a half used can of Slimfast, Relacore, Genisil, Richard Simmons Pills - just to determine what we have. I probably won't be popping many of the pills, but Relacore seems to be the most recent. Mostly it is vitamins, tons of them. 6 pills a day worth. But they do have DHEA in them. They claim to melt belly fat. Well, we have a bottle, give it a try I guess. I was never an experimenter with drugs when I was younger... odd to start now. :)

So far today; Slimfast shake for breakfast. Same exact lunch as yesterday. I have another Slimfast shake for later because I am going to get hungry in the middle of the afternoon. Dinner tonight will be grilled lemon pepper Salmon. And I have to do a veggie. We also have some sugar free popsicles for dessert if need be (thanks Marea). Most importantly, I have to fight the evening munchies. Of all my habits, that's the worst right now.

Also, thanks to my buddy Mad Dog who spent a little time label reading with me at the grocery store.

Day one off and running... well, walking briskly

Okay. So it begins. A couple of my friends at work looked at the site and gave me some wonderfull words of encouragement. It still feels empty on my part because it's just a promise blog. Nothing really to it other than my declaration. I spoke to my pal Mad Dog and and asked him if I should post a list of what I eat during the day. He said that it wouldn't mean anything to any readers, but he thinks it's a good idea for me to see it in print. (The same tactic is applied in Jenny Craig and any weight loss program.) So here, I am going to hold myself accountable for what I put in my mouth... stop giggling.

So far today: No breakfast, 2 cups of coffee with non-dairy and sugar (this needs to go eventually, but this realistically needs to be in stages). Lunch was 2 Atkins yogurts and a fat free tuna salad thing. And lots of freakin water. I've run to the head 6 times so far this morning.

I'm offline at home for a couple of days, so I won't be able to update tonight. Trying to figure out dinner tonight. See having a family does put me at a slight disadvantage, especially in the area of carbs. The truth is pasta is cheap and easy to make. I can feed my family quickly, cheaply and with ample portions with pasta and the like. So I need to start thinking about what I can logically do to fit my personal changes into the family budget and meals.

Also trying to list some of my triggers in my head. What really drives me to eat eat eat, it's not simply boredom. it seems to be linked to times of day. After dark is when I get the munchies the most. That's when I start slamming sandwiches and bowls of cereal. I really love having a full stomach going to bed. Now I need to look at how that started. I think it was cheese and crackers as a snack before bed when I was a kid. Maybe. More thought needed.

Later and thanks for the nice words I have already received. XToday looks like it's going to be a success.

The Lard's Prayer

Hi. Thanks for stopping by. This is a picture taken a few months ago during a charity show at The Woodstock Opera House in Woodstock, IL. For those of you who don't know me, I am a writer and performer with the comedy group Gag Reflex. As of right now I am clocking in at roughly 350 lbs. I say roughly because the average house hold scale doesn't go over 300. At least none that I have seen.

Before you roll your eyes and mutter something unpleasant, I am not here to piss and moan about my weight. Though there may be some pissing and moaning from time to time, that's not the point of this blog. This blog is an attempt to do something about my weight. Even though I have put nearly my whole life out for public view on stage, online, in music etc --- my battle with my weight is something that I keep to myself and amongst my friends. Well, I think I keep it to myself... the fact that I am losing this war is out there for the whole world to see.

So why now? It's not that I haven't fought this in the past. I did Jenny Craig for a year back in the early 90's. I went Ovolacto about 5 years ago and lost a bunch of weight. But I always seem to fall back on my bad habits. I am taking this particular approach because I haven't before. Now, I will be held accountable by an audience. Not just those who love me, but complete strangers that hopefully will stop by and comment.

I also want to say up front here; I have no one to blame but myself. I have spent the last 3 decades creating terrible eating habits. While I do suffer from a thyroid condition called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis , I was large long before that manifested itself. I have been a little lax in using my meds, a pill called Livoxyl, so my doctor hasn't yet found the right dosage. Mostly the thyroid makes it twice as hard to lose the weight. The real battle is fighting these habits and urges that I have created. I know it can be done. I've done it, but how do I keep it going forward. I need to completely reboot my eating habits. Start over. I don't have a plan. At least not a whole one. The first thing to go has GOT to be fast food. I need to stop convincing myself that somehow a Chicken Whopper is okay. Or a chicken burrito supreme. None of it's okay for me. I'm just not built for it.

As time goes on you will see some of the strange tricks an addicted mind can play. I plan to chronicle all of it like Dr. Jeckyll. I know the tricks. I successfully quit smoking about a year and a half ago. In that time I have had only 1 cigarette... that down from 2 packs a day. I know I can do this. I just need to turn it into an entertainment avenue to keep it going.

So here are my reasons. These are the things that I have listed to myself as reasons to not quit.
1. I don't want to die. (Fairly straight forward)
2. I don't want to lose my legs because that would make me want to die (see above)
3. I'm tired of disappointing my son. He wants to play chase and I want to sit. I hear "Cats In The Cradle" everytime.
4. My wife really, truly believes that I will be dead by the time our son is 18. She's probably right, the way I'm going. I just want to prove her wrong.
5. I don't want my parents to die thinking that this beat me.

So here I begin. If this interests you, by all means check back in to see how I am doing. If not, you can go away, no harm no foul. For me, this all begins anew tomorrow morning. I know, I know. But I've already fucked up today. So, when my son and wife get up from their naps, I'm going to order pizza and make it my last hurrah.

I think I just heard a collective "yeah right" echo in cyber space.

Okay then, I accept your challenge. Either that or one of the voices in my head just got really loud.

EDIT: (LATER) I had a small Lo Mein instead. Happy?